Good Cop/Bad Cop

David Sipress Budget Cuts I M Good Cop And Bad Cop New Yorker Cartoon

david-sipress-budget-cuts-i-m-good-cop-and-bad-cop-new-yorker-cartoonThe last few days I have been taking care of three of my Stepchildren and my son without my husband.

Normally he is around and we share the duties.

It is very apparent that when we are together, I am the bad cop and he is the good cop, in other words he gets to have all the fun, and I have to be the disciplinarian.

In talking to a lot of my fellow wives and mothers, it is often a common occurrence that the wives are the bad cops and the husbands the good fun playful ones.   I always feel a little annoyed about always having to be the non fun one, but somebody has to do it right?

So these last few days have been so interesting to me because I have gotten the chance to be both, and I have enjoyed it so much more.  We have had fun and then when I have to get things done, I have switched gears and become bad cop again, but because I have had the opportunity to have fun and be light and playful – I have found myself feeling like I am a more balanced person and I don’t go to bed feeling that I am the dragon Stepmother who is always the kill joy of anything that might be fun.

I was in a cafe with them yesterday and even a man next door to us, commented on how imaginative I was being with them and how rare and delightful it was for him to hear and witness it.

I felt so fulfilled when he said that and it was almost as if I had come off stage and someone had complimented me on my work.  (Yes at one point I was a full fledged theatre actress).

As parents we don’t often get acknowledged for being good parents, we often feel people looking at us as if we are overbearing or overindulgent.  At least, I always feel that people are judging, and perhaps that is just an aspect of my nature that I worry a lot about what people might think. But this year my resolution is to be more daring and live more fully in what I believe and have alot of fun and feel more alive.

I hope that you are all in good stead after the long holiday season.
I certainly feel more invigorated and joyful because I have had the experience of being both cops.

I do want my husband to come home, but perhaps he can find a way to help me be both and that would mean him becoming more of a bad cop himself.

One can live in hope right?

  1. Joe QuinteroJoe Quintero01-03-2013

    Love what you wrote here! Sometimes Adam and I play out the good cop/bad cop roles with our tenants. Sometimes they will call me directly and not Adam because they know that I will make some display of concern for their complaints/requests whereas Adam will be more direct and to the point (he’ the lawyer here). At the same time, Adam doesn’t lose his cool toward our tenants when they’re being unreasonable/childish. I on the other hand, have had to put them in their place at the expense of staying grounded and being swept up in some drama. Adam once told me that I had to work on my customer service/people skills and I lashed out, “you have to get a heart”…So yes, we must play both roles as we are neither good nor bad but merely are taking care of something and balancing things out/approaching things from our own point of reference:) Keep these blog entries coming- they are golden.

  2. tatyana yassukovichtatyana yassukovich04-18-2013

    I love what you said Joe

  3. Tova CooperTova Cooper07-23-2013

    Hi Tatyana, I totally agree with you. Not only am I the bad cop, but I also often find myself doing dishes, making lunches, etc., while my husband plays with the kids. I have to do those things because he won’t and then they won’t get done. But I often feel sad about that.

    I think it can be great for both parents to spend alone-time with the kids. You should take a little trip and have him play both parts. I have found that this is the only way I can get my husband to understand what part I play and what it is like. After a recent week-long trip I took, he was so much more empathetic and contributed so much more to the things I usually end up doing.

    Good luck on the move!

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