My husband and I are struggling a little bit, trying to make sense of everything as we get the house ready, and do the usual nesting things to adjust to the new environment.
I enrolled my son into a camp so that he could meet other kids his age, while his siblings are on an extended vacation with their mother. He was so nervous the first day, I could sense it in my heart, he kept expressing that he felt cold and tired, and I could see that his little body was feeling the fear of this new venture. The evening before he had asked me whether I would get goose bumpy the night before you were about to do something new. I said yes! I knew what he meant, it is a physical manifestation of the fear of the unknown.
When we dropped him off he was greeted with a counselor who immediately asked him if he wanted pepperoni or cheese pizza. He answered with authority. He seemed calmer, and more at ease. I was of course relieved.
The next day when I dropped him of, he asked if I would switch the radio off. I asked, “Is it because you are embarrassed?” ”Yes,” he replied. I got it, I used to feel embarrassed by certain things too, acutely so. I am just not sure if I expressed it to my own mother.
When he came home last night he was so excited about his talent show and went upstairs to learn the lyrics of OOMPA LOOMPA by heart, he was singing it over to himself for the next hour or so. I was so immersed in my own anxiety of what my life is supposed to convey in this new chapter etc., that I didn’t really take it all in until he asked me to tuck him into bed.
In that moment, all of the events I just described suddenly broke my heart, in a way that one gets moved by our children and the fragility of their souls. They are astounding in so many ways and if we listen to their bodies and souls we are at once placed into the present and reminded of what life is really all about.