Non-Parents Who Give Advice

Parenting PerplexitiesSo I was perusing as I always do through Facebook (once a day I promise) and I found an article that had been posted by someone from a non-parent who was listing ten things that you should never say to kids.

There were things such as: “You are so bad at doing this” or “You look terrible”, things that you hope parents do not say to their children.  One of the things that was suggested was that you shouldn’t tell your kids, “Stop arguing with me!!”

I was really frustrated when I read that, and I immediately chastised myself for having told that to at least one of my Stepdaughters countless times, in fact I often find that she treats me like I am some person that is younger than her and not older than her.  If I don’t ask her to stop arguing with me she continues to make her point over and over again, until I agree with her, even when I know that her reasoning is dare I say it unreasonable, at least ninety percent of the time.  If I have gone overboard with her than I do apologize.  I probably said something out of  frustration from listening to my daughter arguing this point over and over again.

If I didn’t say this I wouldn’t be doing her a favor I don’t think by hearing her out when she is ultimately trying to be right,  or cover up a lie or something she did that she doesn’t want to get blamed for.  Of course there are times when she has a right to argue but they are very few in my opinion.
This is my point, if you are a person who has not been exposed to preteens, teens and adolescents then I suggest that you cannot dictate what you should do as a parent.

It is like a relationship adviser who has never been in a relationship with someone.
If you my readers are parents than perhaps you know what it is like, to get that advice from the non parent brigade.
I think that every child requires a different kind of discipline and the problem with all parental advice is that each kid requires their own kind of discipline and specific way that you relate to them.
In other words I am learning all of this as I am in it.  I can only do my best.

I just had to say if you aren’t a parent yet, you cant always really know what is best for kids.  I appreciate your advice, but let’s face it until you are in it, you don’t always know what you should do, and when you are in it you are too busy just trying to get through the endless conflicts and rising emotions that occur on a daily basis, that the mere mention of what you shouldn’t or should do can get your blood curdling.
Just saying!!

  1. HeatherHeather03-14-2013

    Until I entered into a relationship 3 years ago with a man who has 3 children (at the time ages 3, 5 and 19) I was one of those people who gave “advice”. I had no idea what I was talking about, and had I not experienced being thrown into motherhood, I never would have known that to give advice to parents when you are not a parent is a bit of an ignorant thing to do. There are so many little nuances that people don’t know about parenting, because they are only seeing you during a small percentage of the day, usually when the child is happy and bouncing off of everyone at a great event or get together, and they have no idea that when you get in the car to go home, that the kids had too many sweets from grandma, or auntie so and so…while they scream the whole way home….over nothing….nor do non-parents know that as soon as you get on the phone to talk to “them” or “anyone” they want to grab your attention, until you sound like you are screaming too, nor do they know what you are doing the 24 hours, day in and day out that lead up to your reasons for how you parent. Great article.

  2. TenzingTenzing03-14-2013

    I think people can give great advice, even if they are not “officially” a parent. The key is to remember your childhood, and if you can do that, you can give/receive great insight in those conversations.

  3. LaurieLaurie07-31-2013

    I am not a parent, but I know a lot of adolescents whose parents should look to you for advice because you believe in some discipline, and rules and life lessons about values. I see a lot of kids iwht unlimited freedom to do as they please on the internet, to unceasingly focus only on computer, phone and other technology, to slack off in school and practice little or no discipline with their work, to waste their time and answer to nobody, to blow off committments, etc. Who’d have thought Tatyana would bring back the voice of reason and balance – well done Mama.

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