When I arrived two Thursdays ago, I felt as if I had been ripped from my mothers womb and placed in a strange planet that had no meaning for me whatsoever, I had not even seen my house for more than twenty minutes in two ten minute increments. I was completely devastated, bewildered and felt that I was going to fall apart. It lasted two days.
When I reflect on how it could have taken so little time for me to fall apart and then recover, I am reminded that it is because I have to take care of my step kids and my own kid and I cannot just fall apart when I want to. I have to take care of other people.
The moment I got off the plane, my step-children’s mother had written an email specifying that the children would be there already on Sunday am for a few days as she was going to New York to look after her sister’s baby. I spiraled, I couldn’t believe she would be so heartless as to do such a thing, just as I was arriving in a city and a house that I had absolutely no knowledge of. Once they arrived however, it made sense all of a sudden, they were in there own state of acclimation. My son of course was thrilled to have them there as he always is.
I did not have time to fall apart, I had to get on with it, direct the children to help us, and also figure out what they needed and didn’t need, and make them feel comfortable. They loved the house and the space and they immediately went into the garden to play volley ball and all of them were happy and there was a sense that it really was going to be our home.
I did get on a train to New York to acclimate myself there for a night and half a day, only to come back to the house with a sense that nothing had changed since the moment I had left.
The kids left and now it is just my husband my son and I and we go through the days with a peace and harmony that I didn’t think could exist straight away.
I have no friends here or no idea of what the days to come will bring, but I am realizing that in life as hard as this transition is, I think because we are all solid and centered we will be okay.
At least I hope so.